After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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