lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
