apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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