There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
