where am i from again
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
