whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
