eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
