he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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