It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
