Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
