3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish you could order shots online.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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