I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
