my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
