He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
