Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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