I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
