is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
