Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
