You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
