I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
