peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
