I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
