i permit you to call me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
