just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
