worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
