the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
