I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
