There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
