Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
