The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
