Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
