Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
