I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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