Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
