it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
