Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
