Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
