It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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