is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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