I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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