5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
