no. you can't hotbox the world.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
