sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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