I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
