I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
