I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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