you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
