the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
