I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
