Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
operation harelip BJ is a go
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
