I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
