i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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