So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
from now on my penis is your penis
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
