I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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